A Challenge and a Letter to the Past

There is this wonderful movement at NaBloWriMo challenging people to blog every day in October. Having just heard about it today, I am a little late to the party, but the challenge resonates with me--especially given my ongoing struggle with writer’s block--so I thought I’d jump right in. Maybe I’ll even go three days over in November, just to get in the full 31. We’ll see. 

Anyway, today’s writing prompt is what advice would I give my 15-year-old self. Here is a picture of me around that age and here is what I would tell her:

Beloved,

There is much darkness ahead of you. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but I can’t. You are strong enough to make it through and you will learn much by having endured it, but it will be painful and long, and it is my duty to warn you. Hang on. You are loved now and will find even greater love in your future. All you have to do is keep moving forward, even when you’re unsure of the direction and even when that forward momentum is mere millimeters a day. You will be led to good. You will be led to light.

Also I want you to know that your writing is no mean gift. Yes, you are a beautiful singer and a fine actress, but this writing you have--the words within you--that is your true calling. Attend to it. Honor it. Love it. Work at it. Let it flow. Let it live. Do not compare your work and career trajectory to that of anyone else. You are different, your writing is different, your life is different and it is the sum of all these differences, and your conscious efforts to embrace them, that will make you and your writing shine.

I would like to tell you also that while you seek to honor your gifts, you must also remain humble and teachable. Many great instructors will come your way in the near future and, if you are open-hearted enough to let them, they will mold your creativity in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine. Accept their challenges, learn from their experiences and respect their admonitions. They have forged this path ahead of you and, although you will have your own frontiers to conquer one day, it is best you walk in their footsteps for a time, at least until you get your balance. 

Balance, my love, balance and breathe, broaden your mind and bear your burdens patiently. All is for the best in the end. I swear it.

With All My Heart,

-Your 32-year-old Self

Soul Bites Resurrection

Two pieces of writing advice have been niggling at me lately. First, that if a writer is to start actually finishing projects, she must look through the old unfinished ones and weed out those that are gasping their last breaths. The second piece of advice? “Kill your darlings.” 

So, I looked through my “darlings” and realized that my dear old grande dame of a blog, Soul Bites Blog, has been on her last legs for some time--at least in her current incarnation. I set out with that blog to show the world all the things I “know” about Paganism, but lately I have been blogging less and less there and not really enjoying the posts I do manage to put up. 

But why? What’s the problem?

The problem is that as I have matured in my spirituality, I have realized that what I “know” about Paganism, and especially about my own Paganism, isn’t enough to fill a blog day after day, or, for that matter, even make a compelling Tweet. The more I have learned about the vast spectrum of Paganism and my own leanings within it, the more I have realized there is an eternity of that learning yet to acquire and I, at best, am a neophyte. 

So I decided: My darling SBB must bite the big one...

...and yet...

In the tradition of Mithra, Persephone, Inanna, Adonis, Jesus and all good ascending and revivifying God/esses that have gone this road before, perhaps SBB shouldn’t stay dead. Perhaps she should ascend, transcend and resurrect herself with a new message and modus operandi, namely, to stop purporting to be an arbiter of Pagan knowledge and instead come out as an honest accounting of one Pagan writer’s journey to find her peculiar place in spirit, word-craft and world. 

Thus Soul Bites begins again--leaner, meaner, and keener. I can’t promise you will find definite knowledge here, but hopefully you will find inspiration to pursue your own knowledge, comfort in shared confusion and joy in abject honesty.

May we enjoy the journey together.

-M. Ashley