Fight the Fear: Domestic Violence and the Pagan Community

As many of you know, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. While I was surfing around today, I found this graphic and I absolutely had to share it. It has always struck me how many people in the Pagan community. women and men both, have been victims of some form of domestic violence, and although I believe this graphic was intended more to mean "fight the fear" of Pagans, I think, more than that, it is a great symbol--a magnificent rallying cry for all of those in the Pagan Community who are suffering with and/or have survived domestic violence.

My sisters and brothers, fight the fear, both while you suffer and during the long healing that must come after. Know that you are strong. Know that you are worthy. Know that you are loved. Know that the Lady and Lord are with you and will provide for you not only an out from your situation, but the means to recover from it and not merely survive, but thrive.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is: 1−800−799−SAFE(7233). If you need it, please call.

With All My Heart,
-M. Ashley

PMS Beast and Other Scary Halloween Monsters

For me, PMS isn’t always bad, but when it is, it’s BAD. 

Today is one of those days for me when every sound and every word spoken (especially by men) is going right to that single nerve I have left and jumping on it. I hear things coming out of my mouth that my internal, rational voice is saying, “Wow, that’s pretty bitchy,” but that it has no power whatsoever to stop. I’ve apologized in advance to my partner who smiles quietly and passes the chocolate. There is a part of me, frankly, that’s offended by the passing of the chocolate, as others diagnosing PMS is a surefire way to have its full wrath descend upon you, but, on the other hand my body is screaming for it so I take it, grateful but with premestrually glaring eyes. 

A biology major friend of mine once explained to me that PMS results from a severe and sudden drop in hormone levels, so what we’re feeling is very much akin to drug withdrawal, or, being a smoker, I can relate it more effectively to the world’s worst nic fit--with cramps!

In that vein, I offer the following video which pretty much expresses how I would be feeling today if I were a tiny kitten:

Here's to a better, more hormonally balanced tomorrow,

-M. Ashley

Danny and Mr. Grim--A Deathly Halloween Romp

Here is my poetic addition to the All Hallows Grim Blog Party hosted over at Pagan Culture, one of my all-tim favorite blogs. 

Danny and Mr. Grim

Young man Danny was wide awake
when Mr. Grim appeared
pale as death and cool as night
standing in the mirror.

All right kid,
said Mr. Grim yawning as he spoke,
You’re not the only job I’ve got
So hurry up, let’s go.

Danny only laughed at this
and shook his youth-swelled head.
Then, trying hard to be polite,
he very calmly said,

Mr. G. I can’t go now,
not at twenty-two.
I know this may sound cocky but,
I’ve just got too much to do.

Mr. Grim chuckled, Well,
all right, I’ll let you be.
Pay me now or pay me later.
It’s all the same to me. 


Daddy Danny tried to sleep
one stormy night in fall
when in his bedroom mirror he saw
that Grim had come to call.

Tell me Dan, said Mr. Grim
arms folded at his chest,
I’ve given you now fifteen years,
are you ready yet? 

No said Danny, speaking low
so as not to wake his wife.
Now there are others dear to me
who depend upon my life.

As you can see I’ve got a wife.
My only thought is of her
and of our child who will need things
that only I can offer.

Mr. Grim said, slightly moved,
All right, you take your time.
But one day Danny, don’t you doubt,
I will claim what is mine. 


Old man Danny woke up late
one silent Winter night.
Mr. Grim stood in the mirror
blinking in the light.

Now this is it. You’re eighty-three.
said Mr. Grim to Danny.
I will not give more time than that.
You must come now with me. 

And don’t you talk about your wife.
I know she died last May.
Your child, now grown, is doing fine,
so there’s nothing left to say. 

My dog, said Dan without a pause,
he needs me. He’s lost his sight.
Don’t you know? Asked Mr. Grim,
I took your dog last night. 

Then silence passed between the two
now friends as much as rivals,
‘til Danny took one final shot
at securing his survival.

But I just love to breathe the air
and watch the house flies fly.
Even the wet of a new-formed tear
is reason not to die.

Sorry Danny, not this time. 
said Mr. Grim while grinning.
But don’t you worry, men like you
make even death worth living.

Happy Hallows Everybody!
-M. Ashley

Mormon Hellenic Pagan: Do Such Creatures Really Exist?

I'm feeling a little hangdog tonight. My partner and stepson are out "occupying" the University of Oklahoma and I'm here at home alone licking my wounds from what was a real crap-e diem. It was very tempting to skip tonight's post, but I did make a commitment for National Blog Writing Month to post every day in October, so I decided to show up despite not having a whole lot to say--well, despite having a lot to say and not a whole lot of energy to say it.

Here is what has been weighing most heavily on my mind lately:

As per several of my previous posts, I am still having a major internal struggle between feeling like a Hellenic Pagan and also like a Mormon--feeling drawn to both paths simultaneously and having no idea how to begin reconciling them or even sorting out all the emotions this struggle is bringing up. Suggestions on how to proceed with this would be much appreciated as, at the moment, I am feeling very lost.

I go to bed each night and wake up each day thinking about this, wondering what my next step should be. I don't want to be a Mormon and forgo all the things I love in Hellenism. For example, how could I give up devotion to Hestia after her presence has been so alive in my home and heart for the past two years? On the other hand, I don't want to be a Hellene and have to renounce the things I have testimony of in Mormonism like eternal progression, achievable godhood and the personal bond and sealing to the Spirit of Truth I received at baptism that has been a constant guide, comforter and companion.

How can I feel so deeply connected with two paths apparently so removed from one another? What is going on in my soul that it would call me to two places at once? I don't know. I feel torn and have no idea how to begin the mending process.

May the good Gods and good people in my life help guide me toward an answer.

Blessed by the Mystery
(even when it doesn't feel like a blessing),
-M. Ashley

PS
The picture for this post is an original watercolor by yours truly. I painted it in my dorm room at Vanderbilt University right after a tornado hit downtown Nashville in 1998. I know it isn't Picasso, but even after all these years, I'm still pretty fond of it and I think it expresses the emotions of the night rather well.

Hubris? Meet 2x4.

Let me get this out of the way right off the bat--I consider myself a Hellene but I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a hardcore reconstructionist. I am a revivalist.

In that vein:

Although I have a deep respect for reconstructionists of any stripe, there is a certain attitude among most Hellenic recons that does not sit well with me and is one of the primary reasons I do not count myself among their ranks. A good many recons I have come in contact with tend to ascribe to the notion that it is necessary to fear and appease the Gods in order to please them. I have no doubt this was a part of the ancient mindset. My partner and I were watching an episode of Carnivale last night that featured a horrendous dust-bowl storm. I thought, "If you didn't have the technology to know better, how could you not attribute something like that to angry Gods?" But, the thing is, we do have the technology to know better now--to know that natural disasters are either Gaia doin' her thing to sustain and renew herself or us screwing that process up. So why do some Hellenic recons still approach the Gods as if their worship will abate the storm? Why must we hold on to the ancient belief that we worship the way we worship mainly to keep the Gods from squashing us?

In the eyes of the Gods, I believe it is more offensive to hold onto this attitude when they have inspired us with the means to know better. Perhaps it was OK for the ancients to approach them that way because it gave them some comfort in a world to which they were extremely vulnerable--but what purpose does it serve now to attribute, say, devastating tornadoes to Zeus and allow the fear of same to distance our hearts from him?

But then, I am apparently very liberal about this sort of thing--believing that, in reality, it is almost impossible to offend the Gods unless you allow hubris (your perfectionism, your intellect, your fear), to keep you from a sincere and consistent practice, (a topic on which I wrote an entire post here).

Look, the Gods know you--every gritty little Earth-bound nook and cranny. Attempting to hide these from them is foolish on the face of it and will severely handicap your relationship with them. Yes, it is good and respectful to wash in the khernips before ritual or prayer, but you must come to that prayer with both of your washed hands open--holding nothing back--not even the unwashed parts, inside and out.

I speak these things passionately because I have been guilty of them and I know firsthand how a raging, arrogant perfectionism can strangle a meaningful relationship with the Gods.  Many are the times I have needed, and received, a solid whack upside the head with a spiritual 2x4 when I have allowed that hubris, or worries over “not getting it right”, to get between me and my Gods and stop us from talking.

I have discovered that If we humbly open ourselves up and keep calling upon the Gods, it will be given to us what it is they require of us, and usually it isn’t much except to stay in touch and honor the gifts they have bestowed.

Blessed by the Mystery,
(and the spiritual 2x4)
-M. Ashley